I KNOW IT'S BEEN A WHILE, KAY?

And there is nothing I can do about it.

It has been 7 months actually, and I am here due to the sole reason I even started this blog: Procrastinating.

I'm supposed to be doing studying, but we all know that I'm a badass.

This is the first time I'm talking to you guys since my junior year, and I really like school. I read through my last few blog posts, and I sounded so depressed. ABOUT THE WEATHER. The FRICK-FRACKIN WEATHER. 

Anyway, I'm in my junior year, and I love my subjects, and I like my classmates, and I love all these new experiences of bonding with new people. Not-so-new now though.

My subjects are Fine Arts, Psychology, Entrepreneurship and Marketing, just like I wanted. I really love all these subjects and they're just so diverse, and I effing hate all the homework and studying I have to do. 

It's not so bad for Fine Arts, 'cuz it's mostly practicals, but Psychology and Entre. are SO STRESSFUL. First of all, there's book loads to study and memorise, and sometimes it doesn't even make sense and I'm just like,'WHAAAAA???' and there is just buttloads of homework, which I've only barely completed.

Ever since school started back again this month, I have had pending homework ALL THE TIME. There has not been a day like, 'Oh, what do I do now? I have no homework left to do.' 

Moving away from topics of school, I just hope to do this once a week, I think I might have made that promise before, but y'know, I'LL TRY. It's the thought that counts.

Also, I'm starting new TV shows amidst all this procrastination. I've started with The Blacklist, and Saturday Night Live is starting next week, which I'm REALLY excited about. YAY Chris Pratt. But there are too many cast changes, so I guess we'll see how this season turns out.

But, yeah, this is just a thingy so I restart blogging. Again. I'll try to keep this going. I'll make it more interesting next week.

#NowPlaying: Around the World — Daft Punk

Whatever.

-Sam Frank.

*URGENT* OMERG OMERG OMERG! I GUNNA EXPLODE.

This is NOT a good time.

I was not planning to write this month since my final exams are nearing. (The first one's on March 3) But oh my, it's never gotten more urgent than this.

But first, a back story.

Around 3-ish weeks ago, my parents got this invitation to go to a wedding. In India. NORTH India. We are mainly from the southern region of India, and the Northern most we've ever gone is Mumbai, so I took this invitation as YET another wedding we'd never go to.

But a week later, my mom comes and tells me that she was going to India with my dad to attend this wedding. I was furious. My parents wouldn't attend any of their own cousin's wedding, but would run off any day to attend some rich guy's son's wedding. UGH.

And this also meant another thing. I'd have to stay at my uncle's house.

This was one of the WORST THINGS EVER.

4 years ago, my parents had gone to the US to support my aunt when her husband was going through a brain tumor. And I had to stay at the same uncle's house. FOR A MONTH. Not my best times. But this thing was only for 9 days, and yet I had already begun dreading my time there.

Now, of these 9 days that I have to stay at uncle's house, only 5 days have passed, but it seems like forever. And since the last time I stayed with my uncle, they have moved apartments (which seems really crammed) and they have got another daughter (who is one of the most spoiled kids I know).

Now to the urgent part of the blog.

The stay over here, has been slaughtering my sanity. I haven't had so much pent up anger since last year when most family was driving me nuts.

I HATE kids between the ages of 4-11. Once they start becoming self aware, they're uncontrollable. But it's just a me thing. Most kids that I've been around are just pains in the butt. But there are some kids I know who are actually not annoying. Unfortunately, these kids don't happen to be my cousins, who are both girls, and are of ages 9 and 4. These kids are just SO SPOILED. If there is one thing that my parents have taught me, it's this: RESPECT YOUR ELDERS. NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY'RE OLDER THAN YOU. And it"s something I've always kept in mind. But these kids are on first name basis with EVERYBODY. This is quite a no-no in my people, but their parents seem to be doing nothing about it.

These 2 girls are the ones slaughtering my sanity. With their annoying questions, to their fussy eating habits.

And OH, don't get me started on their eating habits. They eat a buttload of junk. This might also be a me thing, since my mother has always had me eating at proper times, and not interjecting snacks in between. But my aunt always seems to stuff them with all kinds of junk. She goes grocery shopping every 2 days to buy biscuits and chocolates for her kids. Also, each of these kids have a cupboard to themselves to keep their food. My siblings and I keep all our junk food in one cupboard, and pray that we can get to the cupboard before our dad does. My dad ALWAYS makes us realize, that we're the lucky ones in the world since we have all these luxuries, and we believe it. But these girls, think THEY are the center of attention.

My cousins are quite independent, unlike myself, but they have a way of putting it in your face. Which is the worst. Now, time and again, I do poke fun at them for being the way they are, and my siblings and other cousins agree. But they way these two poke fun at others, it's just hurtful.

There is SO MUCH more I am not saying, but the point is, they make me lose my mind.

I know this is so mean, and I am being VERY judgmental of my uncle's and aunt's parenting habits, but I can't help it, I am not in an environment where I can think straight.

One of the things that has been helping me keep my sanity is, HARRY POTTER. I started reading it, at the end of last month, and I've already reached Goblet of Fire. I LOVE HARRY POTTER. Also, Daria. I HAVE BEEN WATCHING LOADS OF DARIA.

Anyway, I just gave in my stream selection form for my junior year, and my first choice is Psychology, Fine Arts, Marketing and Entrepreneurship, and I REALLY HOPE I GET IT.

Well, until next time. Probably in a few days when I will be having a panic attack.

#NowPlaying: Leaving So Soon? — Keane

Whatever.

-Sam Frank.

My iPad is OVERDUE.

So I am even struggling to type this very sentence.

This iPad is being real shitty these days..

One month later...

HAPPY HOLIDAYS! 

I have been wanting to write this post for a long time now. But I've also been procrastinating. 

Since the last time I posted, it got cold here in Dubai, Dubai also won Expo 2020. I don't know HOW to react. I don't even know how this will affect me. There were also some nasty revelations about some people in my life, and I got into an accident. Nothing major though. And finally, I had one of the best days of my life in a really long time.
And since I won't be having school till the 4th of January, I have time to tell you ALL ABOUT IT.

But first, the reason why I wasn't here: Studies. They have a way of sucking life out of you. I've been so grumpy this month. A true buzzkill.
I study for fun. Re-read that sentence. I study for fun. When I have nothing to do, I'll just take out my books and start solving any worksheet I can find. This wasn't how it used to be a year ago. A year ago, 14-year old Sam would be catching up on her blog posts, struggling to play the sims, reading, she would be having fun. 
I think over the year, I've lost my sense of fun. Pushing it aside because I'm supposed to be studying. I'm doing much better academically this year, but it doesn't seem like I've accomplished much. I've had some good days this year, but if I ever had to look back at 2013 ever, I wouldn't. It's just been a clump of grey. I feel like I've lost myself in this melodrama of life. 
Just before school closed down for the vacations, one of my teachers planned a picnic for us. I REALLY did not wanna go. I was quite skeptical about it. But finally, I did go. Only for 3 hours though. The picnic was from 10 AM - 5 PM, and I planned to stay there from 12 PM - 3 PM. But sometime while I was there, I was having fun, and I'd wished I'd come earlier. And when I had to leave at 3-ish. I didn't want to though. That made me realize how I don' usually have fun at all. I don't give myself a break. 

Next, THE ACCIDENT: On the Sunday of my final week of school before the winter vacations (15th of December), I was just sitting on the last seat on the bus as usual, studying some math for an upcoming test. The bus was quite full that day, and a few girls were also standing up. The bus was almost reaching school, when I heard one of the girls who was standing up say, 'OH NO.', and another say, 'Wha-', but her sentence was cut short when I saw a red glow, and a glass shattered behind me, while I was being crushed in my seat. Luckily, I wasn't hurt, but I immediately stood up to see another school bus had hit the back of ours, and the glass at the end of my bus was shattered. And according to a source, I had glass all over the back of my sweater. 
Now, I was SHOCKED. Completely OVERWHELMED. I wasn't hurt, but I went to the front of the bus where my friend was sitting, and I just started crying. I don't know WHY. It was probably the shock, but I couldn't tell.

Two-ish weeks later...

Belated Happy New Year!

School has begun. It actually began yesterday, but I was busy yesterday. Also, I wanted to post today. Today, I got my Math test paper. And I got a solid 20/20. I was so happy. I was FINALLY gonna get the 3 large Dairy Milk(s) that I wanted. Dairy Milk is a chocolate by the way. One of the best I could say. But this grade is so special to me, because my mom was really happy when she saw it. And so was my dad. My dad is usually appreciative, but seeing my mom this happy was quite nice. It's not like this is the first time I've brought home an A. It's happened before, but this is MATH. This is NUMBERS. I can't comprehend numbers quite easily, even I was surprised. But I felt good.

I don't want to drag this, but I'm gonna end this here. 

Until next time.

#NowPlaying: All These Things That I've Done — The Killers

Whatever.

-Sam Frank.

Friday morning, and white outside.

That means, I woke up this morning, looked outside, and it was clouds everywhere! Clouds galore! The fiesta of the clouds!

Not that it matters. I was just being observant.

First, I'll start with my inspirational words I was talking about in the last post, which have been getting me through the past couple of days. 

I've updated it, to fit most of my occasions.

“ I am angry. And sad. Really sad. You know why? Because honestly, I don't. Actually, I might, but at this time of my life, it's probably because of my family, or someone at school, but it's alright. I am feeling quite irrational right now, so I am in the school washroom. Hiding. This might seem like the worst day ever, but I'm gonna have great days someday. 

But if you ever feel like you have hit rock bottom, think about these songs:

Mama

Every ship must sail away

The world is ugly

The light behind your eyes

Gun

But you won't, because you're strong.  

And you're not like others. Not like anyone else. ”

There is more to this. But this is how much I want to share.

I just finished a part of Shwetha's gift, and I only need to put in one last bit. I don't know what it is though. Gotta rack my brains for that.

Second, I wanted to talk about an exhibition I went to this Thursday. It was Islamic exhibition about people who embraced Islam, and why they embraced it. It was a very enlightening. I enjoyed being there. Also, I saw a lot of people I know, I didn't go talk to them though. I am awkward like that.

At the beginning of this month, I made a list of goals I wanted to complete this November. I have gone green, but I don't know HOW to prove it. I mean, I have a book made totally out of recycled paper, and I have been saving electricity too. But I will continue going green even though my task is done.

1. Start a collection
2. Go Green
3. Listen to new music
4. Create a tasty dessert
5. Try a new hairstyle

But I don't know how to continue with 'Listen to new music'. I am going to listen to Hanan's playlist, but I am not in the mood nowadays. Well, we'll see.

And I think there's a party coming up soon, so I might be able to create a tasty dessert.

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Well, now it's Saturday morning. I think it's still white outside. ARGGGH, my head is aching. I just wanna hide and sleep. Or go to school so I can pass time.

Right now, I just wanna get 10th grade over with. You know, pass with respectable grades and get into Humanities, and just study what I love.

I just, went through this recipe book my dad bought me from London a few years ago, and I found a recipe of a 'Victoria Sandwich', which looked very nice. (I hope it tastes nice too.) is it a desserts though? Because I wanted to make it for my tasty dessert goal. I'm still looking through the book, but I probably won't be able to make it since I can't buy the all the ingredients at the moment as my dad will be leaving for Africa tomorrow, and I can't go to the market and buy the stuff. I do plan to make some easy dessert though. I'll show it to you when I'm done making it.

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It's already Wednesday, and I done NOTHING.

Well, let's end this post. And my iPad is being a b-word, so this font is unusual. I'll change it later.

#NowPlaying: TGIF — Katy Perry 

Whatever.

-Sam Frank.

I hurt, and I tired.

Xdfv btynhhunymj j,..hyggggg6yy...l-

That is what happened when I fell on the keyboard twice. Let's recall what happened this week. 

As of this week, I have got all the Semester 1 Examination grades. They were BS. Not my best semester. But at least it is my better semester. The grades I got last year were horrific.

On Monday, I got my vaccination. It didn't hurt as much when I just got it, though I did get a laugh out of it when others did. (Why am I so mean?) But now, it hurts even if someone's arm just grazes mine.

Yesterday....SOMETHING happened. I ASSURE you. I just can't remember WHAT. I'll get back to that.

And today, I was fasting. I thought I was gonna be grumpy. I was, but only a little. I think. I spent the first 15 minutes of school in the washroom, because I did not want to go to the assembly early in the morning, and do AEROBICS. So, I took a paper and a pencil, and went into a stall, and just stood there, and wrote. (I am NOT taking ANY chances by sitting on the toilet lid.) I wrote and drew up a fail of a bookmark for my friend. It was insulting.

Then I wrote some inspirational words (from my POV) on another piece of paper. But I don't have it with me right now, as I've left it at home, since I am at my aunt's house. 

But they did get me through the day. I just looked at the paper whenever I felt I was about to get moody. Which I was. 

But tomorrow, I'll be going to an exhibition. YAY!

But first, I should get internet in my home. Which is not there. Arghh!

I really have no idea, what to talk about, so I will just go. 

#NowPlaying: 789 — Barenaked Ladies

-Sam Frank

Whatever.

Come a little closer, then you'll see.

Actually, don't. This is only a line from a song. Also, I am very scary from up close.

Nothing much happened today, other than the result of the Physics paper. It was HORRIBLE. The total was probably worse. 

I did do better this year, but it was a very small improvement. No, let me rephrase that.

It was a VERY small improvement. Absolutely disappointing. Neither do I keep up with my potential, nor my resolution.

But speaking of resolutions, I want to talk about the list I planned to do, little by little. And I have done one of these items on my list: 'Start a collection'

I was actually searching for some abundance of collectibles in one of my keepsake boxes. And I found...COINS. Yep, just coins from around different places of the world. Which is pretty weird, since I hate the smell of coins. I just HATE it.

So, this what my list looks like now.

1. Start a collection
2. Go Green
3. Listen to new music
4. Create a tasty dessert
5. Try a new hairstyle

The next one I plan to do is, 'Listen to new music' This is not really that big of a deal, but it's still on the list. 

And I plan to do this with the help of a list given to me by one of my best friends, Hanan. She listens to all different kinds of music, and I will be choosing songs from her list and listening to them, and commenting on them.

I still do not know what songs I am going to listen to, though. 

But there is another important thing I wanted to talk about. The way people see me. It's because, of what I know, most people I know think I am good. In some kind of social way and in a general way. But I don't feel that I am.

When school reopened this September, I found myself pulling away from the people with whom I was once close with. Not necessarily all my close friends, but a few of the unexpected ones. 

And that was just a start of it. I feel like I am becoming meaner everyday. I don't mean to be. But I just am. I just seem that I am colder.

Now I am gonna leave, and continue this blog on Thursday. 

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Well, I couldn't continue on Thursday. Neither could I do it on Friday. I was out the whole day on Thursday, and I was studying yesterday. Yep. I was just absorbing all the Trigonometry, Economics and Physics I could. I was just astonished by my grades this semester. Not one of my best works.
I even got 3rd highest in my class for English, but that did not seem enough.

I get such a demonic rush from beating people in academics or ANYTHING. I get this metaphorical red glow in my eye which tells me, 'You are so much better.' I feel evil. At this point of my life, I feel that, I never work hard for myself, I just work hard to get to the top. Because right now, that is all that matters. To be on the top. I have ingrained it in my head that I have to be in the top ranks of the Arts stream next year. I don't know why, but I HAVE TO. Maybe I'll understand later.

I have been watching One Tree Hill lately since the exams are over, but I have forgotten half the story, so I am still stuck in mid-season 2. Also, right after an episode ends, I will listen to some songs from the episode and add to my library. I adore the One Tree Hill soundtrack. It is just my type. I am listening to some of the songs right now. OH, I LOVE IT. It is just BEAUTIFUL. 

Well, I have to get going to study. 

I'll come around.

#NowPlaying: Center of Attention — Jackson Waters

Whatever.

-Sam Frank.

Whoop dee doo. I am here.

And I'm proud of myself, since I am taking SOMETHING a bit seriously.

Well, school started off today, after a mini-vacation of four days (including the weekend) given to us for Diwali (Which is a Hindu festival) and the Islamic New Year.

And we got a bunch of our exam papers. 

I got Islamic, Maths, Chemistry, Biology and Computer Science. 

I can't say I've done very well, or anything, because, I HAVEN'T.

I got a 47/60 in Islamic, 50/90 in Math and 54/90 in Computer Science. I will only disclose my Science grades as a whole after I get my Physics paper. (My chemistry grades were worse than ever.)

BUT I AM DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF. I don't care what other people think. I care about what I think of myself, I care about how I look at myself, how I judge myself. And honesty, I neither thinking, looking or judging myself in a positive way right now. I was thinking about my grades some time ago, and I was so close to giving up. My grades have always been constant and they never seem to improve, though I put more effort as the days go by. But I guess I can't expect better results in just a year. I will just have to work harder.
My friends (Especially Shwetha, have always made me feel good about my littlest improvements, and that HELPS. It seriously does. BTW, Shwetha, you were supposed to call me. You haven't called me.)

Well, I just took a break to do my homework and revise the day's work, and I've just finished. (Shwetha still hasn't called, it's actually okay, since we only talk about things like studies and school, but I just want to make her feel guilty that she hasn't called me.)

Atleast I got my work done. Well it's late and I wanna sleep, and I still have to iron my uniform, so, till next time.

#NowPlaying: Mama — My Chemical Romance

Whatever.

-Sam Frank.