Friday morning, and white outside.

That means, I woke up this morning, looked outside, and it was clouds everywhere! Clouds galore! The fiesta of the clouds!

Not that it matters. I was just being observant.

First, I'll start with my inspirational words I was talking about in the last post, which have been getting me through the past couple of days. 

I've updated it, to fit most of my occasions.

“ I am angry. And sad. Really sad. You know why? Because honestly, I don't. Actually, I might, but at this time of my life, it's probably because of my family, or someone at school, but it's alright. I am feeling quite irrational right now, so I am in the school washroom. Hiding. This might seem like the worst day ever, but I'm gonna have great days someday. 

But if you ever feel like you have hit rock bottom, think about these songs:

Mama

Every ship must sail away

The world is ugly

The light behind your eyes

Gun

But you won't, because you're strong.  

And you're not like others. Not like anyone else. ”

There is more to this. But this is how much I want to share.

I just finished a part of Shwetha's gift, and I only need to put in one last bit. I don't know what it is though. Gotta rack my brains for that.

Second, I wanted to talk about an exhibition I went to this Thursday. It was Islamic exhibition about people who embraced Islam, and why they embraced it. It was a very enlightening. I enjoyed being there. Also, I saw a lot of people I know, I didn't go talk to them though. I am awkward like that.

At the beginning of this month, I made a list of goals I wanted to complete this November. I have gone green, but I don't know HOW to prove it. I mean, I have a book made totally out of recycled paper, and I have been saving electricity too. But I will continue going green even though my task is done.

1. Start a collection
2. Go Green
3. Listen to new music
4. Create a tasty dessert
5. Try a new hairstyle

But I don't know how to continue with 'Listen to new music'. I am going to listen to Hanan's playlist, but I am not in the mood nowadays. Well, we'll see.

And I think there's a party coming up soon, so I might be able to create a tasty dessert.

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Well, now it's Saturday morning. I think it's still white outside. ARGGGH, my head is aching. I just wanna hide and sleep. Or go to school so I can pass time.

Right now, I just wanna get 10th grade over with. You know, pass with respectable grades and get into Humanities, and just study what I love.

I just, went through this recipe book my dad bought me from London a few years ago, and I found a recipe of a 'Victoria Sandwich', which looked very nice. (I hope it tastes nice too.) is it a desserts though? Because I wanted to make it for my tasty dessert goal. I'm still looking through the book, but I probably won't be able to make it since I can't buy the all the ingredients at the moment as my dad will be leaving for Africa tomorrow, and I can't go to the market and buy the stuff. I do plan to make some easy dessert though. I'll show it to you when I'm done making it.

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It's already Wednesday, and I done NOTHING.

Well, let's end this post. And my iPad is being a b-word, so this font is unusual. I'll change it later.

#NowPlaying: TGIF — Katy Perry 

Whatever.

-Sam Frank.

I hurt, and I tired.

Xdfv btynhhunymj j,..hyggggg6yy...l-

That is what happened when I fell on the keyboard twice. Let's recall what happened this week. 

As of this week, I have got all the Semester 1 Examination grades. They were BS. Not my best semester. But at least it is my better semester. The grades I got last year were horrific.

On Monday, I got my vaccination. It didn't hurt as much when I just got it, though I did get a laugh out of it when others did. (Why am I so mean?) But now, it hurts even if someone's arm just grazes mine.

Yesterday....SOMETHING happened. I ASSURE you. I just can't remember WHAT. I'll get back to that.

And today, I was fasting. I thought I was gonna be grumpy. I was, but only a little. I think. I spent the first 15 minutes of school in the washroom, because I did not want to go to the assembly early in the morning, and do AEROBICS. So, I took a paper and a pencil, and went into a stall, and just stood there, and wrote. (I am NOT taking ANY chances by sitting on the toilet lid.) I wrote and drew up a fail of a bookmark for my friend. It was insulting.

Then I wrote some inspirational words (from my POV) on another piece of paper. But I don't have it with me right now, as I've left it at home, since I am at my aunt's house. 

But they did get me through the day. I just looked at the paper whenever I felt I was about to get moody. Which I was. 

But tomorrow, I'll be going to an exhibition. YAY!

But first, I should get internet in my home. Which is not there. Arghh!

I really have no idea, what to talk about, so I will just go. 

#NowPlaying: 789 — Barenaked Ladies

-Sam Frank

Whatever.

Come a little closer, then you'll see.

Actually, don't. This is only a line from a song. Also, I am very scary from up close.

Nothing much happened today, other than the result of the Physics paper. It was HORRIBLE. The total was probably worse. 

I did do better this year, but it was a very small improvement. No, let me rephrase that.

It was a VERY small improvement. Absolutely disappointing. Neither do I keep up with my potential, nor my resolution.

But speaking of resolutions, I want to talk about the list I planned to do, little by little. And I have done one of these items on my list: 'Start a collection'

I was actually searching for some abundance of collectibles in one of my keepsake boxes. And I found...COINS. Yep, just coins from around different places of the world. Which is pretty weird, since I hate the smell of coins. I just HATE it.

So, this what my list looks like now.

1. Start a collection
2. Go Green
3. Listen to new music
4. Create a tasty dessert
5. Try a new hairstyle

The next one I plan to do is, 'Listen to new music' This is not really that big of a deal, but it's still on the list. 

And I plan to do this with the help of a list given to me by one of my best friends, Hanan. She listens to all different kinds of music, and I will be choosing songs from her list and listening to them, and commenting on them.

I still do not know what songs I am going to listen to, though. 

But there is another important thing I wanted to talk about. The way people see me. It's because, of what I know, most people I know think I am good. In some kind of social way and in a general way. But I don't feel that I am.

When school reopened this September, I found myself pulling away from the people with whom I was once close with. Not necessarily all my close friends, but a few of the unexpected ones. 

And that was just a start of it. I feel like I am becoming meaner everyday. I don't mean to be. But I just am. I just seem that I am colder.

Now I am gonna leave, and continue this blog on Thursday. 

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Well, I couldn't continue on Thursday. Neither could I do it on Friday. I was out the whole day on Thursday, and I was studying yesterday. Yep. I was just absorbing all the Trigonometry, Economics and Physics I could. I was just astonished by my grades this semester. Not one of my best works.
I even got 3rd highest in my class for English, but that did not seem enough.

I get such a demonic rush from beating people in academics or ANYTHING. I get this metaphorical red glow in my eye which tells me, 'You are so much better.' I feel evil. At this point of my life, I feel that, I never work hard for myself, I just work hard to get to the top. Because right now, that is all that matters. To be on the top. I have ingrained it in my head that I have to be in the top ranks of the Arts stream next year. I don't know why, but I HAVE TO. Maybe I'll understand later.

I have been watching One Tree Hill lately since the exams are over, but I have forgotten half the story, so I am still stuck in mid-season 2. Also, right after an episode ends, I will listen to some songs from the episode and add to my library. I adore the One Tree Hill soundtrack. It is just my type. I am listening to some of the songs right now. OH, I LOVE IT. It is just BEAUTIFUL. 

Well, I have to get going to study. 

I'll come around.

#NowPlaying: Center of Attention — Jackson Waters

Whatever.

-Sam Frank.

Whoop dee doo. I am here.

And I'm proud of myself, since I am taking SOMETHING a bit seriously.

Well, school started off today, after a mini-vacation of four days (including the weekend) given to us for Diwali (Which is a Hindu festival) and the Islamic New Year.

And we got a bunch of our exam papers. 

I got Islamic, Maths, Chemistry, Biology and Computer Science. 

I can't say I've done very well, or anything, because, I HAVEN'T.

I got a 47/60 in Islamic, 50/90 in Math and 54/90 in Computer Science. I will only disclose my Science grades as a whole after I get my Physics paper. (My chemistry grades were worse than ever.)

BUT I AM DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF. I don't care what other people think. I care about what I think of myself, I care about how I look at myself, how I judge myself. And honesty, I neither thinking, looking or judging myself in a positive way right now. I was thinking about my grades some time ago, and I was so close to giving up. My grades have always been constant and they never seem to improve, though I put more effort as the days go by. But I guess I can't expect better results in just a year. I will just have to work harder.
My friends (Especially Shwetha, have always made me feel good about my littlest improvements, and that HELPS. It seriously does. BTW, Shwetha, you were supposed to call me. You haven't called me.)

Well, I just took a break to do my homework and revise the day's work, and I've just finished. (Shwetha still hasn't called, it's actually okay, since we only talk about things like studies and school, but I just want to make her feel guilty that she hasn't called me.)

Atleast I got my work done. Well it's late and I wanna sleep, and I still have to iron my uniform, so, till next time.

#NowPlaying: Mama — My Chemical Romance

Whatever.

-Sam Frank.

UMM..HI?

This is weird.

Ever since school started back again in September, I have been SO FREAKED OUT about my Semester 1 exams. But weirdly, here I am writing how freaked out I am when my Social Science exam is TOMORROW! Tomorrow, as in, the 30th of October. 

I don't even know if I will publish this post today.

I am also TRYING to study, but I can't. My concentration is way off today.

So, I'll try taking about what is happening.

WHY was I gone so long?

I dunno. I am so tensed about these exams, and there was so much drama in my house when I was in India, and I wanted to take it off my chest by blogging, but Internet was shitty, and if I had to blog every time I was crying or pissed off, this blog would be FULL OF posts.

Will I ever go back to regular blogging?

MAYBE. My final exam is on the 31st. So maybe I will. I don't know for sure. 

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Well, obviously, I did NOT publish this on the 29th of October. It's November 4th now. 
I was planning to complete this yesterday, but I couldn't. I HAD A FIRE IN MY HOUSE. A REAL fire. Something had gone wrong with our air conditioner switch, and it was glowing and stuff, and early yesterday morning, it just exploded and fire came out.
My mom was just bathing my brother around at 5:30 AM, and she had just woken me up to pray, I woke up, went into the washroom, and while I was peeing, my mom scream out, "Fire fire!! FIRE!!!! FIIRRRREEEE!!!!!!!!" I understood that she was talking about the AC switch, and I washed my ass and scream out the I am coming. (My dad wasn't home, since he had gone to pray.) I told her to get the passports, told my sister to call the security, and I tried calling my dad, but it turned out he hadn't taken his phone. I also tried 999 (Which is the Dubai Police and Ambulance. The one I was supposed to call was 997. Silly me.), who told me to call the security.
The security came, put out the fire, all is well now, no one got hurt, and that is what matters.

On to other stuff..

This is the time of climate change in Dubai, it is getting dustier, the days are getting shorter and colder, chances of rain increase, and the weather is 'pleasant'. (I think not.) This is a time when I am a little bit calmer, (I think.) little bit weirder, and quite 'jumpy'. As if I feel scared all the time. — (That is my definition for 'jumpy'.)

But the only way I get myself through these colder months, (November - April. I call these the gloomy months.) is by keeping myself occupied. I plan to do that this time around by the help of a book I bought a few months ago, called, '97 things to do before you finish high school'. Though it would be rounded off to around 78 things due to a bunch of thing I can't do. Such as:

- Get an astrology reading (No thanks, not something I believe in.)

- Go skinny dipping (FRACK NO.)

- Read one another's palm (Again, not something I believe in.)

- Get a job OR Get a driver's license (I think I have to be 18+ to do that in Dubai, as far as my knowledge goes.)

- And a bunch of other awkward things.

But I do plan to do the rest of the stuff, step by step. So, the list of 5 things I shall do this November are as follows:

1. Start a collection
2. Go Green
3. Listen to new music
4. Create a tasty dessert
5. Try a new hairstyle

I already got a new hairstyle recently, I cut my hair just a few inches below my shoulder, and I don't wanna cut it again, so I will mark that as complete.

As for the others, it is my aim to complete them this month, and I will keep you guys updated on my progress and I will also explain how I plan to go on about my list later on.

And finally,
RANDOM TOPIC!

Gaining weight in the winter:

Well, I guess you do gain weight during the winter, since we eat much more to gain fat so we can keep warm. (Right?) And I don't think many people go out for a jog either since it is fracking cold. 

Though, THAT is not a problem in Dubai, the people here LOVE the cold, (I wonder why I am not one of them) and would spend all their mornings jogging if they could.

That one was stupid. Let's do another one!

The seven seas:

I don't think there are ONLY seven seas. There HAS to be more. Because if there were ONLY seven seas, I would have by hearted all of them because that is what I do. I remember when I was in the first grade, I tried remembering the names of all the oceans, and the longest rivers and the tallest mountains to impress my teacher if she ever asked about them. She never did unfortunately.

Here are some random seven seas I found on Wikipedia.

1. the Adriatic Sea
2. the Mediterranean Sea
3. the Black Sea
4. the Caspian Sea
5. the Persian Gulf
6. the Arabian Sea 
7. the Red Sea

On the same note, I don't like seas. I am not 'normal' around mass body of waters. It freaks me out and I start kicking and screaming, and I start crying. It's a freak show. 

WHY am I like this?

And before I forget, 

Music Monday! LET'S BEGIN!

This is my playlist for the week. Or so. (In no particular order, seven songs for seven days.)

• Getaway - Pearl Jam
• Love Me Again - John Newman
• Out of My League - Fitz & The Tantrums
• Counting Stars - OneRepublic
• Cemetery Drive - My Chemical Romance
• Come a Little Closer - Cage the Elephant
• Spotlight - Leagues

Well, that is it for today, see you...whenever.

#NowPlaying: The Other Side — Dexter Freebish

Whatever.

-Sam Frank.