I'm not normal. I'm not me.

I'm different.

The worst thing, I'm not who I was when I began this blog. Today has been intense. I look different because I've been crying for most of the day and there is no kohl on my waterline. I look weird.

I've OBSESSED with MCR for the past few days, and I was just listening to it, when I got thinking. Just thinking. The whole day, I was annoyed by my sister and the rest of my family. Every moment I spent with them, the more I felt that I had to go away. I was being horrifyingly weird the whole day. I had no eyeliner on, and if I wasn't playing on the iPad, I was walking around the house. Just walking. Around the evening, I listened to more MCR while I drew emo kinda pictures. (That's what they looked like to me. I was being overly dramatic. Like I'm in a movie.) They turned out fairly good. In my opinion.

This carried on for the whole day. My mum then came to my room to talk to me about why I was acting like I was. I broke down and I said I don't know. She asked me whether I wanted to go to the doctor or whether I wanted a counsellor or something as such. I cried and cried, and told her that I wanted to go to a boarding school. She said she never wants to keep her kids away from her and she asked me why I wanted to leave. I didn't wanna tell her cuz I knew she wouldn't understand. I wanted to leave because I always feel like I'm tied down to my family, and I wanna feel like I've ACTUALLY lived in my teen years. Most of all, I wanna be independent. I don't wanna be pushed out in the real world when I'm 18 and be naive because my parents didn't tell me what the world was really about. My parents would never understand why I wanna go away and why it is important to me. I don't plan to tell them either. They will counter attack all my explanations because that's what they do. They will have something negative to say about all my pleads. 

So I stop trying.

I KNOW I'll be stuck to one place till I die. 

Cuz that's what life is. It's REAL.

Moving on, our talk went on for what seemed like ages to me, and around 11 PM, my mom offered to make me some food. I accepted. I ate, and now I'm waiting for myself to fall asleep. 

I hate days like these when I'm sad. But today, it was different. I was DEPRESSED. NOT the depressed that I am when it's gloomy or whatever. But really depressed. I was at a point when I pleaded my mom to take me to a doctor because I was physically, mentally and emotionally unstable.

But I'm better now. A little.

My mom and I made up and she said that the both of us will go shopping tomorrow evening for some stuff, and my dad will take the computer to get it fixed.

My parents don't know this, and I doubt A LOT that they'll read this. 

Mom and dad, I have never ever told you this, but, I LOVE YOU VERY BLEEPING MUCH. 

Whatever.

-Sam Frank.